Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
