ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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