The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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