He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
