Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You have to summon your inner elephant
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
