look no pants
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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