I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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