Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
