Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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