Your face is a jimmy john
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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