I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Damn victory sex feels great
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