fuck your aforementioned shoe
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
