It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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