puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have fence marks all over my body
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
