that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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