Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
