frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
