I just saw a hot homeless man
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
