I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
