The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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