I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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