didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
