If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
