the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
