sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There r osticjed everywhere
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
