I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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