I'm so fucking centered right now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
