if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
