I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
