I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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