my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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