That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we're so committed to being not committed
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