I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
