Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
