my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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