i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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