So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
