Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
