so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
