I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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