i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
