spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
