I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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