no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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