You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
