Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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