I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize