Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
