I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
