So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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