my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
