What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
