dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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