btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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