i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
