He is an equal opportunity slut.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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