Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
