I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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