So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
