I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
