Where did you get a picture of my penis
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
