You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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